pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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