I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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