I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize