I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
