woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
