I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
