You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
