The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
sarcasm needs its own font
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
