please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We left the knife in your bed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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