I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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