yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
