It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
