wake up i wanna do it froggy style
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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