i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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