its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
