i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
