Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
