I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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