Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
