I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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