If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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