We won't sleep together?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
