based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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