You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
