it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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