So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
