What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
COCAINE IS GR8
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
