"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
