the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
