Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
