I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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