You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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