OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
