I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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