You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
the raccoons are back...
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