if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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