If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
