"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
