Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize