I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
