She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
