Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
