oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
