You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
