And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
