loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
