3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
