Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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