I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
