is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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