i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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