Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize