I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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