We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
