are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
