Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
