You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
