carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
