I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
