sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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