Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
