Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
