i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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