last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
