Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
