planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
