foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
