I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
