i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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