I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
