It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
