Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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