It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
