I'm pants shitting drunk right now
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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