After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
