You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
