i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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