Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
