I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
