VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
