A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
