how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
