So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
