the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
