She went from zero to smokin in five shots
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
