when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
