You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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