I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
