i think i have two assholes
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
