Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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